I can actually tell time by M's episodes, every two weeks he is in a devaluing stage. This time is a doozy. We went to the ocean to see my son and his family this past weekend. My son, M and I walked 20 steps to the surf, while my daughter-in-law, who was under the umbrella, said something that I couldn't hear and when I walked a couple of steps back and tended to her question, M had a fit. He stomped up and swore at me and took off walking down the beach. Apparently, I must tell him when I walk 15 steps away. So needless to say, I didn't engage him when he wanted to argue, I just enjoyed my family for the day.
When we returned home, he stated that he is leaving me....again....in the past year he has had temper tantrums and left at least once a month. This time is for good, he says....
It's very difficult to know you can't count on someone, that they will abuse you and walk out at a drop of a hat. This type of relationship is not good for the faint of heart. You must be strong, self-confident and always have a Plan B. My Plan B is not in working order at the time, as I left my job to move with M and have not found another yet. So I am kinda stuck should this be the "real deal". However, should he leave it will be a bit of a relief as the roller coaster ride gets old after some time and I am tired. I will figure out a way to pay for this newer, more expensive, very rural place.
M self medicates with alcohol, which is not recommended for folks with BPD. He has a great job and has to be to work by 6 a.m., by 5 a.m. he has had 3 beers or mixed drinks and continues to drink throughout the day, at work. How they don't realize it or at least smell it is beyond me. He has had 3 DUI's (before meeting me) and still drives drunk more than not.
I think I will suck it up and keep moving forward for now. If anyone has any suggestions, please let me know, because as I said, I'm tired.
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